Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
