There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
