I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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