he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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