peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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