I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Randomize
