is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
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