Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Randomize
