this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
