chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
