We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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