I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
