its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
