That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
