i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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