Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
