she was so not down for the gang bang
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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