She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
