yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
