Whatcha textin bout Willis?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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