Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
