i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
