you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize