Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
