just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
