whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
