Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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