I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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