Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
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