I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
You just made me feel so damn special
babies were throwing up all over the place
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
