We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
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