i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize