this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
