I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
