Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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