It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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