A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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