he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
