that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
