I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Everclear isn't food dammit
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
