On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
