Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
