HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Floor bacon is actually really good
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
