Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
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