He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
