How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
My legs feel like baby dolphins
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
