He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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