yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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