so explain again why im purple
no
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
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