Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
