Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Randomize