Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
