I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
