I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
