Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Operation Purity has been aborted
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
