yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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