Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
