My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
