my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Randomize
