new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
