i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
