i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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