Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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