Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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