apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
This is the prime rib incident all over again
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Randomize
