I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize