I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
