If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
