I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Barsexuality is the new black.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
