You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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