i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Randomize
