remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
