You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Randomize
