someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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