Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
