1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
