You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I just found a bag of teeth...
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
false alarm, still single
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