I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Randomize