Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I accidentally burped into my bong.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Randomize