i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
