Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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