I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
