I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
