as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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