she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
