im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
