Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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