Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize