I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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