as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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