There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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