the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
