You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
