pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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