just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
