This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
